Should You Give Your Family Your Winnings?

I've given away tens of thousands of dollars to my immediate family for one reason or other.

But when I look back to see how the money has helped them, I see no real change or improvement in their lives. Sure, I've got plenty of pats on the back from them. Maybe they even love me a little bit more. But it hasn't helped them long-term a single bit.

Here's why...

From childhood onwards, our accumulated experiences build an Emotional Calculator inside us which tells us how to control money. Experts tell us that the way we control money has nothing to do with its usefulness, but everything to do with how we perceive it.

For some folk money is power. For others it represents freedom. Some find it evil.

Yet all of these conditions merely reflect ourselves... our attitudes... our thinking... our personal history.

Very few of us have a structured financial upbringing. Instead our money attitudes come from the people we mix with, the books we read, the TV programs we watch. Despite what many people tell you, our money decisions are made with our hearts - and not our minds. It's often 99% emotional.

That's why many of us fail our budgets, and why we overspend. And why we get satisfaction when we shop, or spend when we're down.

How many stories have you read about people in poverty dying in their tiny, filthy apartments - which later is found to contain hundreds of thousands of dollars hidden under the mattress? These people haven't figured out money.

In New York some years ago, what appeared to be a penniless bum wandering the streets was actually a wealthy woman. She was unable to spend her fortune because of emotional issues relating to her childhood.

And how many lotto winners are completely broke two years after the win... regardless of the amount? Answer: - most of them. Because they don't know how control it.

So giving money to people to solve their problems is just like putting a bandage over the wound.

If you see people making the same financial mistake again and again, giving them your lotto winnings won't solve the problem. It will only give them temporary relief, and then they're stuck with the same problem until they figure out the real solution - inside them.

You first have to figure out what they need, and then find other ways around it. For example, if your children can't afford to buy their first home, don't give them the deposit. Instead, put your own home up as security against their mortgage. (There are many ways to do that, and your accountant is the best person to advise you).

So I don't give money anymore. Certainly I make measured donations to charities, but only when I'm sure it's going to the right people. To others who need money, I come up with solutions instead. It doesn't make me that popular, but when these folk are forced to confront themselves - often for the first time in their financial lives - it's amazing what they can do to change.

We humans are designed to triumph over adversity, even though it's a struggle sometimes. It's character building. What's your character like?

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